Past The Force Of Weekend

Well, hello there again, everybody!

So, as of today, I've survived the weekend. Still a bit under Friday's weather, but I feel like I've regained a fair bit of myself.

To be honest, this previous weekend wasn't so great. Of course, the lousy-for-me Semi-Formal on Friday—which I've gotten the feeling that if I hadn't immediately gone into the Fergie gym, my mood could have been better ... Then on Saturday, I had to deliver Avon brochures for my mother (as I usually do, biweekly) and that pretty well rid me of time to edit the podcast, BLAZONNATION #20, especially since my grandmother, middle brother, and I were going to church earlier. Then at night, I had to wash dishes, like I do almost every night ... and I eventually again had no time to edit the show ... other than maybe just a wee, little bit. Finally, Sunday we went trapshooting for our Inter-county event and I did rather poorly ... but not just in my shooting.

After Friday's event, I decided I was done being optimistic about a lot of things and ... well ... resort to pessimism. I'd somehow gotten it into my mind that resorting to pessimism might just make the bad stuff not as much of a bother ... in a way. Interestingly, when something, even a little thing went wrong or a bit off, I was happy that it didn't go the way I wanted to ... a sort of masochistic pessimism. Sunday, I'd misinterpreted that—it's called expecting the worst, not doing the worst! I'd instead wanted to do poorly just for more regret of the weekend ... and maybe, if the weekend turned out to be lacking enough, I'd be more tempted to try to find a way to travel back in time to Friday—of course, like that would ever happen—as for if something went in a good way, I'd more less wanting to change my weekend. Again, obviously there's no luck in ever going back to that night or even before then and changing something.

Contradictory it is, however, my wish of being able to travel back into the past to change something that in present time I know I screwed up on it. Somehow giving myself more time for studying and homework being an exception. Stuff like getting my pre-ordered copy of GTAV when I was babbling about that a couple weeks back (honestly is really the least of my worries, but I felt I might as well mention it) ... or wishing I'd done something different in terms of when or how I'd attempted to ask out the girl I've feelings for, or even my actions and the result of them at Friday's night's Semi-Formal ... would then just make me feeling like I'm cheating—and, in a way, 'tis true. Knowing I've screwed up and the consequences of such, then going back to fix or change what I did so that the present would be in the way that my past self had yearned for ... probably would just put me into an even more guilty mood than I am in right now, and right now, I'm actually in pretty darn good mood! I mean, despite the weekend's hell of events.

Earlier today, I found, on Bashurverse's Twitter feed, a video with him and his ex Clara BabyLegs in the thumbnail. I thought, Well, I wonder what's up with this ... A forgiveness challenge with a taser? I clicked on it, like I've done lately for his vlogs, and next thing I know ... it would be the something that makes my day. Over the past two weeks, Bashur had been releasing approximately bi-daily vlogs about how he was dealing with matters in his life and learning about matters in regards to what he's gone through. Many YouTubers for sure, even SWChrisMC and good Mr Brent Copeland give very hits-home insights in their vlogs. I've discovered a special case, however, with Bashur. No less to you too—you're all equally amazing and awesome people! But somehow, I've managed to take into consideration the advice that Bashur's come up with through his vlogs. Then today, finding out that past all the struggles, Bashur and Clara finally made up and made it back together ... I'll put it this way: it's nice to see things fall back into place once again. Here's why I specially mention this: it's part of why I feel so much more optimistic now. I mean, yes, it's different now knowing that the very girl I have feelings for is already with another guy ... but yet somehow, I have hope again. Honestly, I'm not too sure what will or could happen or would at all change ... but who knows? I honestly don't!

Lastly, I just wanted to mention that I've had a blast not only having finished washing these dishes in good timing, but watching the Season 1 finale of Gotham (which was mind-screwing, in a good way), and my first full of episode of The Daily Show (which really is hilarious)!

To conclude, hopefully this week does get to improve and I can do well on my Calculus test tomorrow ... but heaven knows ... and get my CK Expo tickets (to the first convention that I can actually attend because it's local), and last but not least, edit that 20th episode of BLAZONNATION before it's somehow apparently too late!

Thanks always and so much for reading me out again!
~ JBJblaze
P.S. May The Fourth Be With You! Hope I can see The Force Awakens this Christmas or more likely around that time!


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